i’ve come to the conclusion that new hampshire is toxic
for me anyway, i am just not meant to be in this place. no matter how much i try, or want, new hampshire is not meant to be my place. it is not my home, and i understand that this appears to be dramatic but i cannot stand the drama and how no one can just GET OVER THE PAST. you can never be someone new here, no matter how hard you try, or how much you grow, to the people that matter, you will always be the person from years long ago. i am so sick of my family, and how we are supposed to be prim, proper, and respectful to people that SUCK.
nancy told me i need to find a new place to live, that she is sick of me acting like my father, and yet she was the one who started being immature and dramatic. like i’m SO SORRY, that i rushed to get you food at the store so i could run home, change, mail your packages, and MAKE IT TO WORK ON TIME. like seriously, FUCK YOU, i am trying so hard to be responsible to everyone, and i am sorry that i didn’t fucking realize you made a god damn grocery list, like suck it up and just fucking tell me over the phone what the fuck you want, instead of hanging up and then claiming that i am the one with the problem because i “left in a huff”, when you called to ask where i was, okay bitch you didn’t know where i was, sooooo how would you know HOW I LEFT. I ‘left in a huff’ because i have a JOB, GET THE FUCK OVER IT. i was doing you a favor, and you’re the one that blew up in my face.
it’s days like this that make me want to sell everything i own to leave this place behind. move away where i can just forget about these people i am related to through blood, because they are not my family. i have been in such a great place, and then i come home and i feel like this little girl who is waiting to turn 18 and move far away, to start a new life where my family isn’t as fucked up as it really is, but it kills me inside, because this is the one chance i will ever have to have a “family” and if i shut them out, i could regret it for the rest of my life. In tampa i am at my best, i the person i always hoped that i would grow into, that is not to say that i think i am perfect there, because i am not, but i am so much healither, and in SUCH a better state.
people are always shocked when i tell them i go to school in Florida. I mean i have wonderful friends and co-workers here, but everywhere in this house has a dozen horrible memories that i can not escape, no matter how hard i try to succeed in school or at work, because to nancy, i should want to make achievements for me, and she shouldn’t matter, and you know what she SHOULDN’T because the day she fucking cares about something other than herself or her son, would be the say that hell freezes over, it’s the day i can come home and we can not fight for more than 8 days.
understanding that you dont work well with a friend, or a guy or a job or a major, is NOTHING compared to accepting that you and your mother will never get along, that no success of yours will make her proud, and that your lives are better off without each other. that you’re great people when the other one is not around, and that you truly bring our the worst in each other, the day you have to accept that, is the day that you have to focus on your future, and no one else’s. and that day for me, is today…
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![thedailywhat:
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[theawesomer.]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1ilqzb5m01qzpwi0o1_r1_500.jpg)
